By: Andrea Syrtash, Host of “On Dating”
I remember in the months leading up to the year 2000, I made love resolutions for the new millennium. I joked with friends that I wouldn’t date anyone who was not Y2K compatible, but I was serious. I wanted to be thoughtful about my love life in the 2000s. I’ve always believed that consciousness and commitment are key ingredients to change.
As you step into this new decade, I would encourage you to be thoughtful about your dating life and your relationships. To help you get started, here is my Top Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010.
1) Date the person — not the potential.
It’s wonderful to believe that the object of your desire will come around and treat you the way you want to be treated but remember – you’re more likely to find success in love if you are realistic about who is in front of you today.
2) Listen to your date’s words, but put more credence in her actions.
I often tell singles to pretend their dating lives are a silent movie. A woman may tell you she really likes you and wants to be with you, but if she is not following up and making you a priority, take the cue that she may not be relationship ready.
3) Take Risks.
If you keep doing the same thing in your love life and want to find new results, you have to do – and date – differently. Sometimes this means stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new activities to meet new people or stretching yourself emotionally.
4) Be Open.
You cannot have true intimacy without vulnerability. If you keep protecting yourself from getting hurt, you are shutting yourself off from real connection.
5) Be Resilient.
Remember that most dating scenarios are designed to fail. If everyone hit it off with every date, there would be no such thing as ‘dating’! Sound depressing? It’s actually good news. There is no need to put pressure on yourself that each date has to be a home-run.
6) Be Present.
Sometimes we are so concerned and analytical about whether or not someone is a good match that we ignore how we actually feel about the people we spend time with. Be present on your next date and see how you feel. Now.
7) Be Positive.
Plain and simple – a positive attitude attracts and will make dating more enjoyable. When you start dating new people, resist the urge to complain about how your ex hurt you or how much you hate your job. Stay upbeat!
Get Over An Ex Who is Haunting You.
Find yourself comparing every date to the woman who broke your heart? Write an angry letter (just make sure not to send the draft!), process your feelings with a friend or a therapist and do what you must do to find closure so you’re not bringing all the baggage from your last relationship into a potentially great new relationship.
9) Sweat the Small Stuff.
Do not undermine how important small gestures are to a woman. Making sure your date gets home okay, listening and genuinely being curious about what your date has to say, and being thoughtful often counts more to a woman than grand gestures.
10) Have fun.
In 2010, make a resolution to have fun in your dating pursuits! Dating is a great opportunity to meet new people, step out of your comfort zone and try new things. ENJOY!
Andrea Syrtash is a dating expert, life coach, author and host of ‘ON Dating’, produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book, “He’s Just Not Your Type (and that’s a good thing)” will be published by Rodale in April 2010. Andrea has made Google ‘hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com